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Nicole Richie in private hospital

Very very thin Nicole RichieHer publicist(s) are saying that she is “working” with doctors and nutritionists on an undisclosed problem. Hm.

I picture a conveyor belt of donuts a-la Simpsons with Nicole being strapped into a chair, her nose plugged with one of those swimming nose plugs, while a machine is chewing the food for her and she is forced to swallow dozens of donuts at a time.

Man. I wish I had her problems. Unfortunately it’s all the other way for me. The last time I went for a walk is when firemen broke the side wall of my house down and I was lowered in a crane from the 5th floor in order to be drained of my fluids to give me a new lease on life.

Damn. Some people have all the luck. Like me and about a billion starving children that could only wish they were working with teams of doctors and nutritionists.

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Matthew Perry abandoned by Friends

Matthew PerryRumours. There are rumours that Matthew Perry’s new tv drama Studio 60 (on NBC) is failing. Despite hype, despite crazy publicity, despite a giant push by NBC, the ratings are in a slump.

Matthew Perry is crazy over it all (or so the rumours say), and he is apparently trying to enroll the help of his Friends friends: David Schwimmer, Courteney Cox, Aniston, and Kudrow. He’s asking them for guest appearance

Heather Mills divorce allegations

Heather MillsThis is the week of messy celebrity divorces it seems. Now it’s Heather Mills vs. Paul McCartney. A British newspaper has published a transcript of Mills’ allegations against McCartney.

Among the allegations:

The petitioner has behaved in a vindictive, punitive manner towards the respondent, on occasion thereby exposing her to risk.

What the hell kind of joke courtroom are they in? I mean if I was the judge I’d be like: “listen, you are going to be a millionaire, do you really need to take this further? Why don’t you just quit while you’re ahead and don’t embarass yourself, Millsy?”

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Sara Evans nasty divorce

Sara EvansEew. I don’t know what’s happening, but the public divorce of Sara Evans from her husband of 13 years, Craig Schelske, has just gotten messier.

Evans is doing interviews and so is Schelske.

Evans has claimed that her husband was unfaithful (with their kids’ nanny) and is addicted to pornography (including a stash of pictures of himself in a state of arousal).

In his turn, Schelske has accused Evans of cheating on him with various celebrities. He has named Kenny Chesney with whom she toured as a singer, her current Dancing with the Stars partner Tony Dovolani, and others.

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Donald Trump cartoon coming

Rumours of a pilot of a cartoon about Donald Trump. Donald is so desperate to become a celebrity it’s sickening. Just stay home Donald. You’re old, you most likely smell like Preparation H. It’s over.

Tara Reid admits to botched plastic surgery

Tara Reid US Weekly CoverYeah I know this is an old story but I have to mention it.

Tara Reid came out to US Weekly with tales of plastic surgery woe! She told the magazine that she underwent reconstructive surgery as late as a month ago to repair surgery that she received in 2004 for breast implants and liposuction.

She got the implants done the first time because her breasts were uneven (according to her). What was her problem with the surgery?

Alec Baldwin a real fatty

I saw The Departed over the weekend and I have to say: Alec Baldwin has become a real fatass. In high school, my English teacher confessed to me that Alec Baldwin was a real hottie, a heart-throb, a real man.

And, I mean, though I’m straight — I have to say he had that clean-cut image of Tom Cruise that helped him really score a first place in his then-wife’s (and then-hottie) heart.

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