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The 2012 Maxim hot 100 list, really?

Has everybody seen the Maxim hot 100 list? I realize that when lists are compiled, especially ones concerning beauty, that not everybody will be satisfied. Obviously beauty is defined differently, depending on the beholder. With this in mind, I can understand some of the top choices while not necessarily agreeing with them. I don’t find Bar Refaeli to be the most gorgeous woman on the list, though I can understand why she would or could claim the title.

However, there are those that are truly making me question the judgement of those that compiled the list. Here are some of the notable what the fucks, that come to mind (in no real order):

  1. Amanda Knox (Is this supposed to drive controversy, and increase the popularity of Maxim?)
  2. Pippa Middleton (She has to be the most boring, plainest English woman included on this list. My household plants are more attractive and exciting than this woman. Pippa Middleton is plain porridge with NO sugar added.)
  3. JWOWW (What the fuck is this name, is she some kind of porn star?)
  4. Kristen Bell (Meh.)
  5. Stacey Keibler (Is this a popularity contest, or did George Clooney just make the list?)
  6. Lake Bell (I really don’t know. While her face is certainly unique, should she really be part of the hot 100 list?)
  7. Rihanna (Are we ignoring all of her fashion missteps as of late?)
  8. Selena Gomez (I thought this was a list of women. Selena Gomez has the face of a forever child, and I feel like a pedophile looking at ‘sexy’ pictures of her.)
  9. Jennifer Love Hewitt (WTF! Do men really find this try-hard, has-been woman attractive?!??)
  10. Ashley Green (Really? This Twilight star wannabe?)
  11. Lea Michelle (Um. Her personality really cancels out any attractiveness that she may have.)
  12. Katy Perry (Do her jugs really make up for everything else?)

This isn’t so much a list of attractiveness, as it is popularity.

Where is Emilia Clarke, Natalie Portman, Kristin Kreuk, Jessica Chastain, Zoe Kravitz, Chanel Iman, Amanda Seyfried, Emily Blunt, Priyanka Chopra, Irina Shayk, Freida Pinto, Liv Tyler, Angelina Jolie (yes she is skinny, but you can’t deny she has a gorgeous face), and Giselle Bundchen to name a few…

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There is no hope for our planet (have you heard Snooki is pregnant?)!

This scum is pregnant, and about to become a mother to a child with no hope at becoming a productive and useful member of society. Do you think Snooki’s child will become a doctor, a lawyer, or a scientist? Or any number of other useful professions that do not include famewhore?

Look at this horrid display of a pregnant woman. Where did she find this dress, and how could she think this was attractive? If Snooki is not the trash of all humanity, I really do not know what is.

P.S. Calling her trailer trash is too good for her, and far too insulting to trailer trash…they have standards too.

Jennifer Lopez and her man-whore

What a sad, desperate woman. Look at this man-whore. There is no way that Jennifer Lopez is dating this young man for anything other than sex. But come on, is this really what she is in to? He looks like every other dickhead at a night club trying to take you home that night. There is no way he is not a douche. And why this dickhead? She is Jennifer Lopez god-damnit! She could probably get any man-whore that she wanted!

Why else would she be opening her legs up for this ‘man’? His mind? His humour? His big heart? Oh yes, I can just imagine the conversation at their dinner table right now.

The best is this quote as stated from an ‘inside’ source into Casper and Jennifer’s relationship: “He treats her like a queen…and centers everything on Jennifer.” WTF. How narcissistic do you have to be, to allow the person you are dating, center everything on yourself? What a healthy relationship that must be. Well I guess Casper Smart realizes just who his sugar mama is, and what he has to do to keep the money and privileges rolling in. I wonder how long until she is married and ‘with child’ again.

Justin Bieber is the manly-woman in the relationship (i.e. the butch lesbian)

Here I offer you proof:

And spare me any “oh Levenstar, you are perpetuating stereotypes by suggesting that women can’t like sports. You are supporting the patriarchy derived notions of what it is to be a woman, blah, blah, blah “. This isn’t what this post is about. Obviously women can be into sports.

What I am proposing is that perhaps Selena Gomez is in fact a lesbian. This would explain everything about her and Justin’s relationship. Look at his hair, look at his face! Is he wearing makeup? And WTF is that tool wearing? Justin Bieber is the ‘manly’ female in the relationship! He’s mostly a woman trapped in a woman’s body, pretending to be male. It makes perfect sense!

John Travolta loves* gay sex

This is obviously nothing new. We’ve all heard the rumours. And now the rumours are starting to come true.

John Travolta is in hot water, as he’s been accused by two men of sexual assault and battery. Apparently two men, both masseurs, have claimed that John presented unwelcome attention while they were simply trying to do their job. Funny business was had, and both men were accosted (sexually?). As this was not to their liking, they are currently underway with a lawsuit against Mr. Travolta.

Interesting I would say. I wonder if this would be happening if John wasn’t rich and famous. But of course it wouldn’t, silly me.

It must all be very tiring for him. How ever does he go on living lies every day, pretending to be someone he’s not (bah! He’s an actor you say????)? If he’s gay (or bi?), why not just come out with it already? It’s really not a big deal, though he is making celebrity gossip all the more exciting with his continual denials. And we all could use a little extra attention from time to time, though most of us probably don’t go around accosting masseurs for that much needed attention. Mr. Travolta should really try being more discreet with his needs.

Just look at that sexy beast.

*probably

Is Kristen Stewart still the best dressed?

Was she ever? What a horribly tacky outfit. What’s with the blocks of colour, the different fabrics, the shiny, pointy bodice. Why does this dress even exist? And what are those shoes? They look like pumps that have been tied to her feet with bandages. Is this the new hipster hospital chic?

And will this girl ever do something about her hair? I get that she has beautiful long brown hair, but does it always have to be the same? It looks like she rolled out of bed, forgot to wash her hair, and threw on some items that were lying around her bed. Everything about this screams “I know I am hot, and I can do whatever I want, so I wont even try”.