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Larry Birkhead pines for his (?) daughter

Anna Nicole Smith and Larry BirkheadLarry Birkhead has been posting various things about Dannie Lynn Smith on his website (and you have to see this site to believe it, it can only go one of 2 ways: creepy/insane or actual father). Dannie Lynn is Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter, while the father we are not so sure of.

Anna Nicole Smith’s groupie Howard K. Stern claimed to be the father, right after Larry Birkhead announced his candidacy. Birkhead has filed a paternity suit against Smith in California to get her back from the Bahamas and let him assert his fatherhood over Dannie Lynn.

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Larry Birkhead more douche-y moves

You might have already read my entry about Larry Birkhead trying to climb the Z-List ladder.

Today there was a further announcement that he’s sending in his lawyer into California court in order to ask the judge to order Anna Nicole Smith to return to California (from the Bahamas) and to submit to drug testing.

Again, is this a case of bad timing? Could he, perhaps, have not heard that she just lost her son? Maybe.

But I think that it is something so much worse. I think that he heard, and I think that while Anna Nicole’s star is sort of twinkling a little brighter in the media, he wants to get a little splash of light on himself. I mean, call me cold hearted and cynical, his moves are just so off in this whole matter.

Larry Birkhead climbing the Z-List ladder

Larry Birkhead, have you heard of him? Neither have I. Well actually I had an entry about him earlier last week, in reference to his claim that he is the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby.

So whatever, right? Wrong. It was announced earlier last night, that Birkhead has filed a paternity suit against Anna Nicole Smith to get her to come to California and have her newborn baby Dannie Lynn Smith tested and himself tested to determine his paternity.

How freaky is this? This follows, based on my earlier entry, logically from my theory about 2 men using a mildly retarded celebrity to climb the celebrity ladder from the Z-List where they currently are, to some semblance of a D-List.

Well whatever it is, the suit is clearly in bad taste following the death of Anna Nicole Smith’s son Daniel. Let us suppose that Birkhead is legitimately worried and let us suppose that he legitimately fears that Anna Nicole is trying to flee with his baby by splitting to the Bahamas… But what the freaking hell does he think, did she engineer the death of her own son in order to move the spotlight away from the paternity issue?? I mean, seriously, he couldn’t wait a couple of months until Daniel was in the ground before filing this stupid lawsuit?

I don’t know what’s going on, especially with respect to Howard K. Stern exchanging vows with Anna Nicole and then Anna Nicole saying that they are not married. This is a Trailer Park Opera at its worst. But no matter how Trailer Park Anna Nicole is or how ditzed-out of her mind she is, let her grieve a little bit for the death of her son. That is not a joke.

These 2 guys are just the scum of the earth. Scum! Douchebags — the both of them.

Anna Nicole Smith really living up to the trailer trash moniker

Yesterday on Larry King Live, Anna Nicole Smith’s long time hanger-on and friend Howard K. Stern (who purports to also be her lawyer) admitted that he is the father of Smith’s baby.

Quelle surprise. At this point, the only thing that separates Anna Nicole Smith from the trailer park is a couple of million dollars and some diet pills.

But seriously. This is a story right out of Jerry Springer, since earlier in the summer “freelance journalist” Larry Birkhead claimed to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby and asked for a paternity suit. All we need is some folding chairs to be thrown around and an audience wearing triple extra-large football jerseys yelling “JERRY! JERRY!”

Howard K. Stern has disputed Birkhead’s claim. Stern says that he believes himself to be the father and that he loves Anna Nicole Smith and hopes that she shares his feelings. How sad are you Stern? Have you ever considered getting a real job you giant freaking douche bag?

What’s most immoral about this is that whoever impregnated Anna Nicole, pretty impregnated a functionally retarded person. Poor Anna Nicole and poor baby.