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Miley Cyrus falls into Hollywood’s standards

It would be hard to be a celebrity, and be forced to submit to the every day stress to be skinny, thin, and to fit into a size zero. I know it would fuck me up to see blogs writing about how thin or fat I have become, examining every inch of me, constantly aware of every imperfection. I know that I would never be able to submit myself to such constant scrutiny. But then, Miley Cyrus was born into this world and has known nothing but the Hollywood way of life.

I don’t want to be a part of the scrutiny, and I can’t pretend to know what it’s like to live under such a magnifying glass. So I wont say a word for or against Miley Cyrus and her new weight loss.

This is way too much awesome for one picture

Is this really what beautiful is supposed to be? We have a disappearing rat-faced woman (aka Rachel Zoe), posing with a turbined gold encrusted supermodel (aka Karolina Kurkova). This photo gives me so many emotions, I am so confused and confounded by what I am seeing. I can appreciate this much try, and though it resounds in ultimate and total failure, I get where they were going with this so-called art.

Question: Is Karolina Kurkova a giant, or is Rachel Zoe a mouse?

Ashley Greene in a pretend wedding gown

Yes I just stated the obvious. Why is Ashley Greene even invited to the MET? Aside from some shitty vampire movies, has she been in anything else that required acting?

Is it just me, or has she become more of a toothpick than ever before? Ashley Greene is so tiny I could probably wrap my arms around this girl twice. This is not a compliment.

Victoria Beckham — a miracle

Victoria Beckham is really skinnyVictoria Beckham is a real piece of work. Look at this picture. How is she keeping upright? I’ll tell you how: with a mixture of prescription narcotics and a lot of starch in her clothes.

Or perhaps if they took that clothes hanger from out behind of her back, she would fall right down.

The point is: she is really really skinny. Like… How does a mother of 2 and a wife of a gillionaire keep her figure in that shape? Vomiting? Liposuction? We would’ve heard. It must be some new fangled celebrity diet. Lysol and grape seeds. No. Scratch the grape seeds. They probably have calories. How about Lysol… And… Bits of carpeting that have cat hair in them. No. Cat hair has calories.

I don’t know. But whatever she’s doing is working a little too well. She looks like a male teenager from Thailand.

And please don’t say “oh Celebfan, but she looks sexy in that picture!” NO! If you put high heels and a tight top with a push-up bra on a teenager from Thailand, you would see exactly the same thing.

(The picture is courtesy of perezhilton.com)