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More disturbing Screech sextape details

I was going to write about this sooner, however on the Howard Stern Show last week the porn monger David Hans Schmidt let Stern preview the tape and comment on it as it was going on.

Nothing notable, except that both Howard and his sidekick Robin Quivers commented on how huge Screech’s endowment is. At some point it was referred to as a tree-trunk.

Nothing else was notable about the interview, except everyone found out how greasy and discomforting David Hans Schmidt is. He is a celebrity in his own right being behind other celebrity sex-interest paraphernalia like O. J. Simpson’s sextape, Tonya Harding’s sextape, and apparently he tried to sell the contents of Paris Hilton’s locker once. A really creepy guy.

Alec Baldwin on Howard Stern

Howard sternAnother entry on Alec Baldwin. He was on the Howard Stern Show yestreday and spilled the beans about lots of interesting things. Howard always has the best interviews. Celebrities just let loose when they are on.

First, when asked about his idiot brother Stephen Baldwin, Alec insisted that his sibling’s religious conversion wasn’t a fake. Alec said that he himself believed that Stephen was a fake born-again Christian, but has since changed his mind. I continue to believe that Stephen Baldwin is just trying to climb the F-List up to at least E or hopefully D-List position.

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Screech is pathetic

That is Dustin Diamond. He is just lucky to have released his sextape in between the releases of much bigger stars. I’m sure that the next sextape, no matter who it is by, will over shadow the below-Z-list celebrity of Screech.

But the man is milking this sextape for all he’s got. I guess that you can’t really fault him. What else could he do to at least get his name back into the news? Nothing. So he sold his tape to some really sleazy guy named David Schmidt.

I don’t know who Schmidt is but you can surmise that he’s not unlike those fellas a couple of years ago that helped distribute Paris Hilton’s sextape when she wasn’t exactly burning up the gossip front pages. Schmidt is due to appear on the Howard Stern Show to give an accounting live, as the sextape plays, of various scenes.  Sleazy, to say the least.

It’ll be amusing to see this sextape do the same for Screech as it did for Paris Hilton. I can’t wait (or maybe I can) to see Screech in tight little outfits on the red carpet, letting out accidental vagina slips, putting out dance music singles, and his own line of Dirty Sanchez perfume for women.

Fascinating. Well not really, fascinating… What’s the world that I’m looking forward? … Um.. Oh yes! Sad. Very very sad.

Jackie Martling Sirius rumours

Speaking of Z-List Celebrities: have you ever heard of Jackie Martling?

Jackie is an old Howard Stern Show stalwart who purportedly quit the show because of money differences. According to Howard Stern he’s one greedy bastard. Apparently, during a contract negotiation while Howard Stern was on terrestrial radio, Jackie “the Jokeman” Martling requested more money than Howard Stern himself was earning and refused to go on the air. Well that was that, Martling hasn’t been on the show for almost 9 or 10 years and his spot his instead been taken up by the morbidly obese Artie Lange.

This is all, by the way, only interesting to Howard Stern fans, so if you are not one you are probably wondering about who cares about crap like this.

Well I used to be into Howard Stern quite a bit, so it’s interesting that now Jackie Martling is reported to be signing a deal to have his own show on Sirius. Some kind of talk hour where he will no doubt hock his crappy joke wares like joke toys, mugs, and rubber bananas.

Who cares right? Well the interesting thing is that he’s going to get on channel 101 on Sirius, which is one of two channels allotted to Howard Stern. What does this tell me? It tells me that things aren’t going so well for Stern. It’s not enough that the channels are constantly filled with replayed shows and boring banter with retarded people, he has to bring in untalented former comedy writers to fill in his programming.

Indeed, this follows on news of Sirius subscriptions not growing at quite the nice clip they were for the first quarter of 2006 and the rumours of stock problems and Howard Stern’s own purported worries about the health of his Show.

So we have to wait and see whether the Jackie Martling rumours are true. And if they are, what does this mean for the end of Stern’s career and his slide into obscurity?

Screech has a sex tape

Rush & Malloy report that Screech (from Saved by the Bell) also known as Dustin Diamond has apparently starred in a sex tape with two women.
Screech was recently on Howard Stern, lamenting to the world about how broke he is, telling everyone about his comedy career, and how he is looking to break out of the Screech role once and for all.

Making a sex tape is one way to launch your career. Look what it did for Paris Hilton. In the tape, Screech is apparently engaging in intercourse with two women and acts worthy of a serious porno video. Apparently a Dirty Sanchez is involved. Check out wikipedia for a reference to what a Dirty Sanchez is.

I’ve heard of celebrity desperation to climb out of the D-List, but this is just play silly. Screech is not even on a Z-List. Well maybe he is on a Z-List since we know his name and all that, but still.

Tommy Lee on Ellen DeGeneres show

Following up on a whole host of D-List celebrities (among them the abominable K-Fed), Ellen DeGeneres most recently had Tommy Lee on her show. Tommy admitted that he found about Pam Anderson wedding by text message.

Well that’s because you’re a loser Tommy. You always were, and now that you are losing your dashing looks everyone can see it that much clearer.

But in Tommy Lee’s defense, one must say that the wedding was a bit of a surprise to most people who knew Pamela. Even Howard Stern, who purports to be good friends with her (probably having had dipped his beak in that honey pot, though he denies that rumour completely), found out on the eve of the wedding to Kid Rock.

So to sum up: Tommy Lee is a loser. Ellen DeGeneres has a crappy show that only attracts D-Listers, and the only reason it is still around is because some coked-up TV exec believed in his own hype and his licking his bosses’ Warner Bros. butt to keep the show on life support. And Pam Anderson and Kid Rock are probably doing magic mushrooms or something — that wedding was a surprise to even them probably when they were coming down. And I’m pretty sure that Howard Stern had sex with Pamela Anderson.

But I digress.