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Snooki is unleashing a baby boy on the world

Oh I just cannot wait! And did you hear she is supposedly engaged to some tool named Jionni LaValle? Who would become engaged to this (Snooki showing off her pregnancy cleavage):

I realize how harsh I am sounding, but from my experience watching 10 minutes of the first Jersey Shore episode (that’s all my curiosity could stomach), I really don’t see how this woman will ever be anything other than a bad mother.

The 2012 Maxim hot 100 list, really?

Has everybody seen the Maxim hot 100 list? I realize that when lists are compiled, especially ones concerning beauty, that not everybody will be satisfied. Obviously beauty is defined differently, depending on the beholder. With this in mind, I can understand some of the top choices while not necessarily agreeing with them. I don’t find Bar Refaeli to be the most gorgeous woman on the list, though I can understand why she would or could claim the title.

However, there are those that are truly making me question the judgement of those that compiled the list. Here are some of the notable what the fucks, that come to mind (in no real order):

  1. Amanda Knox (Is this supposed to drive controversy, and increase the popularity of Maxim?)
  2. Pippa Middleton (She has to be the most boring, plainest English woman included on this list. My household plants are more attractive and exciting than this woman. Pippa Middleton is plain porridge with NO sugar added.)
  3. JWOWW (What the fuck is this name, is she some kind of porn star?)
  4. Kristen Bell (Meh.)
  5. Stacey Keibler (Is this a popularity contest, or did George Clooney just make the list?)
  6. Lake Bell (I really don’t know. While her face is certainly unique, should she really be part of the hot 100 list?)
  7. Rihanna (Are we ignoring all of her fashion missteps as of late?)
  8. Selena Gomez (I thought this was a list of women. Selena Gomez has the face of a forever child, and I feel like a pedophile looking at ‘sexy’ pictures of her.)
  9. Jennifer Love Hewitt (WTF! Do men really find this try-hard, has-been woman attractive?!??)
  10. Ashley Green (Really? This Twilight star wannabe?)
  11. Lea Michelle (Um. Her personality really cancels out any attractiveness that she may have.)
  12. Katy Perry (Do her jugs really make up for everything else?)

This isn’t so much a list of attractiveness, as it is popularity.

Where is Emilia Clarke, Natalie Portman, Kristin Kreuk, Jessica Chastain, Zoe Kravitz, Chanel Iman, Amanda Seyfried, Emily Blunt, Priyanka Chopra, Irina Shayk, Freida Pinto, Liv Tyler, Angelina Jolie (yes she is skinny, but you can’t deny she has a gorgeous face), and Giselle Bundchen to name a few…

There is no hope for our planet (have you heard Snooki is pregnant?)!

This scum is pregnant, and about to become a mother to a child with no hope at becoming a productive and useful member of society. Do you think Snooki’s child will become a doctor, a lawyer, or a scientist? Or any number of other useful professions that do not include famewhore?

Look at this horrid display of a pregnant woman. Where did she find this dress, and how could she think this was attractive? If Snooki is not the trash of all humanity, I really do not know what is.

P.S. Calling her trailer trash is too good for her, and far too insulting to trailer trash…they have standards too.

Awesome Kim Kardashian imdb bio!

Awesome Kim Kardashian imdb bio! (click)

This profile is too good! This IMDB profile was up for a little bit before being mysteriously removed. Not sure about whether lawyers did this or they paid IMDB, but I’m sure about the awesomeness of this writeup.

See the link for all the glorious lambasting. But here are some snippets!

  • “Kim Kardashian is emblematic of the shallowness of American culture”
  • “famous for being famous”
  • “[released] a sex tape and the canny exploitation of the resulting publicity”
  • “short of any other discernible talents outside of the bedroom”

Hah! I’ve read it a few times and I’m thinking… This writeup took all my good words.

P.S.: Save the screenshot in case it is taken down.

Kellan Lutz is a tool (nothing new)…

Look at this Oompa Loompa. How can anybody think this is a good look. From his hat to his mismatched tie/shirt/jacket combo. Has anyone ever thought of this man as good looking???

Joe Francis criminalissimo extra grande

Joe Francis — aka the creator of “Girls Gone Wild” — is facing some pretty tough times.

He’s a wanted man in Nevada on tax evasion.

A wanted man in Florida.

A wanted man all over the place.

Here’s some of the stuff against him:

  • using minors in sexual performances (Florida)
  • conspiring to use minors for sexual performance and prostitution (Florida)
  • possession of a controlled substance and contraband (Florida)
  • $20 million worth of false deductions on tax returns (Federal)
  • also indicted of concealing his income (Federal)
  • contempt of court charges (Federal)

And that’s just the outline of his current legal woes. In conclusion? That’s what happens to a redneck that suddenly gets rich.

Melanie Brown a gold digger?

Melanie BrownMelanie Brown as in Mel B of the Spice Girls. The Daily Mirror cites as source as declaiming that Mel B (who is 4 months pregnant with Eddie Murphy’s twins) must have gotten pregnant on one of the first times the couple slept together. Could we really call them dates?

This is a good lesson to all celebrity gazillionaires: keep it in your pants if the girl is not at least D-List.

This is Eddie Murphy’s checklist:

1) Have you seen her hanging around your hotel room with paper and pen in hand asking for autographs? (Check?)
2) She hasn’t had a record in the last 10 years? (Check!)
3) Did you see her earlier with a tinfoil hat on talking to two cats? (Check!)
4) Is she calling her mother every 2 minutes telling her about her plans to get pregnant with your twins? (Check!)
There. If you answered yes to 2 or more of those questions Eddie, George Clooney, Leonoardo DiCaprio (insert other A-List celebrity names here), you have discovered a former Z-List celebrity trying to get back into fame and score a big paycheque. Either use a condom or (for gods sake) keep it in your pants!