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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are playing us all like a finely tuned violin

You got what you wanted (this is directed at you minivan majority)! Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are finally engaged. They were living in sin for far too long. Can we hope now that their children’s souls will be saved from hell? How could they go on living such a poor example for their children, don’t they care about their salvation?!??! And do we really believe that Angelina Jolie is a changed woman? The saying is, once a home wrecker, always a home wrecker, right?

For ages, these two were touting the whole “we wont get married until everyone can marry” tune to the press. It seems the story has not changed. They are still following this mantra, though with a very public and well placed proposal and ring to support their next round of movie promotions. In short, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are now engaged because it “made sense”, but do not see a wedding in theĀ foreseeable future. This will only change once everybody in the US can legally marry. Oh they are dreamers, are they not. The US is going backwards in human and civil rights, do they really think they will ever get married in their lifetime with an attitude like that?

I predict that these two will not stand by their morals, and conveniently marry when it ‘makes sense’. Do you think it will be this upcoming Oscar season, or the next?

And look at that honker of a ring. What man could possibly think that design could ever be a good idea?

Rumer Willis and Lindsay Lohan

Rumer Willis has increasingly (and disturbingly) come to be sighted together with Lindsay Lohan. Oh they go everywhere together it seems.

And as dear old Paris would say, “like… eew!” There is something disturbing about having another teeny-bopper / too-rich-for-her-own-good starlet prancing around Hollywood in revealing negligees and talking publically about her sex life.

In case you missed it, Rumer Willis is the daughter of Demi Moore and… You guessed it: Bruce Willis! She actually looks a little bit like a mix of the two. Actually she looks more like a manlier version of Demi Moore, which after you consider her unnatural hirsute-ness, is not a good thing at all!

Anyways, to Rumer I say: please get an honest job! Become a pool shark, a race car driver, a car salesmen. Just stop hanging around with Lindsay. It’s not even funny how tired I am of these idiot wannabe celebrities being famous for their notoriety.

Lindsay and Paris Hilton are the worst of them all. So you blew a donkey Paris Hilton, so did Tom Green, so did Andy Dick… No one cares. Just go do something productive with your life. See how Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie want to be rehabilitate their lives? Try doing something similar!

Grey’s Anatomy Feud

Patrick DempseyTMZ has reports of the reported (:)) feuding on the set of Grey’s Anatomy. Who is feuding, and why should I care, you ask? Well I’ll tell you why you should care. I’ll tell you. Actually I don’t know why you should care, but here’s what is new.

Show insiders say that Patrick Dempsey was seen being shoved and choked by Isaiah Washington. Washington has reportedly said that he’s sick of Dempsey, sick of his “nice guy image”, and apparently expletives were exchanged.

Read More…

Brad and Angelina starting their own foundation

They decided to forego the middle man and do it all themselves. So they have made a little starter found of $2 mil. and I bet are going to be cruising the world asking others for donations.

There are a lot worse pastimes to have and few better ones.

Donald Trump admires Brad Pitt

Here’s what Donald Trump said about Pitt on his blog:

Obviously, Brad is trying to be a social activist and make a
point . . . Or at least that’s what he wants people to think. Maybe
he’s just come up with an excellent way to stay a bachelor. It makes
him look really concerned about the plight of other people. Yet at the
same time, he doesn’t have to get married. This guy is smarter than I
thought.

Yeah Donald, but you’re stupid, so if someone outwits you or is smarter than that head of yours with the roadkill glued on top, then it’s not a very big achievement!

Brad Pitt wants to have a boy

That’s what Page Six reported yesterday from their super secret “inside sources”. Why is this important? Well it’s not. Nothing is, really.

What’s interesting is their same source (rolling my eyes) reported that Angelina Jolie wants to adopt and wants to leave her womb unburdened of Pitt’s semen. Why? Well she wants to be in a damn movie sometime soon!

It’s that old feminist dilemma: should I be bound to the man permanently by carrying his child for 9 months and then having him take care of me OR should I focus on my career in a male-dominated world, making my money off my looks and very vaguely off my real talent. Well I don’t mean that this is every woman’s dilemma, I mean this is Jolie’s dilemma.

Either way, Angelina want to adopt, but Pitt wants an offspring from his loins. Hrrumpfh says I. Apparently neither one of you have heard of sperm donation or surrogate fertilization. I suggest Jennifer Aniston as the surrogate parent to Pitt’s sperm and Jolie’s egg. That would be freaking awesome! Imagine the gossip, the yelling, the … Sheer ecstacy of it all! And remember, I copyrighted this idea, so if Pitt and Jolie ever decide to do as I suggested, tell them I want major royalties.

Brad Pitt trying to do good works

A celeb mag is reporting that apparently Brad Pitt is actively trying to reconcile Angelina Jolie and John Voigt. He went so far as to arrange a meeting between the two, that is until Jolie punched him in the face and kicked him in the crotch a couple of times. Well, no. I don’t know. But the meeting never took place so you KNOW that she really didn’t appreciate any of THAT action.

This follows directly on the steps of John Voigt’s public faux pas where he tried to send a shout out to his adopted grandchildren. Now if there’s anything more pathetic and creepy than a terrible (and rejected father) sending out shout outs to children he’s never seen, then it’s probably the fact that he doesn’t even know their names:

“Happy birthday, Maddox! Five years old. That’s a big one. Five years old. You’re getting to be a young man. I send my love to you and I send my love to, uh, Shakira and, uh, Sha-Sha-heera, is it Shee-ra, Shahira?”

Granted, Shiloh Nouvel isn’t a run-of-the-mill name and isn’t easy to pronounce, but if you’re going to be a creepy loser/former jigalo, maybe you should go to the trouble of remembering your grandchild’s name, what do you say John?