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Martha Stewart hip replacement

Oof. Lloyd Grove reports that Martha is slated to go in for the operation sometime soon.

Nothing tells you you’re old like a hip replacement Martha. That’s Ok. Don’t worry. As Tyler Durden says: “even the Mona Lisa is falling apart”. Look at your arch nemesis Donald Trump, he’s got those freaky hairplugs. Teri Hatcher looks like her own wax statue from that celebrity wax museum. Don’t be sad Martha. Just a work a little less hard.

Martha Stewart spying on Rachel Ray

Is Martha Stewart feeling some heat because her crappy show is just too crapy to watch? I guess so because there are reports of 4 spies from the Martha Stewart Show trying to infiltrate Rachel Ray’s show to find out all those crazy scary secrets on the Rachel Ray show.

You want to know Rachel Ray’s secrets Martha? I’ll tell you them for free: she has personality (more personality than a kitchen cabinet anyways) and she’s not older than the Crypt Keeper. Thank you.

Did Martha Stewart become a sexual dynamo in jail?

Naah. But it was very disturbing to watch her on the David Letterman show yesterday. She was cooking for Dave and at some point Dave, who was her retarded assistant cut his finger. At this juncture the most disturbing thing in the world happened — Martha came over to Dave, took his finger in her mouth and sucked up the blood.

Ok. ‘Nuff said? Hardly. But I really am speechless. Did she learn this sort of thing in jail? Is she part of a witches’ coven? Does she think that she can win more popularity from Dave’s cooties? I don’t know any of this. All I know is that I’m extremely creeped out.