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Rumer Willis and Lindsay Lohan

Rumer Willis has increasingly (and disturbingly) come to be sighted together with Lindsay Lohan. Oh they go everywhere together it seems.

And as dear old Paris would say, “like… eew!” There is something disturbing about having another teeny-bopper / too-rich-for-her-own-good starlet prancing around Hollywood in revealing negligees and talking publically about her sex life.

In case you missed it, Rumer Willis is the daughter of Demi Moore and… You guessed it: Bruce Willis! She actually looks a little bit like a mix of the two. Actually she looks more like a manlier version of Demi Moore, which after you consider her unnatural hirsute-ness, is not a good thing at all!

Anyways, to Rumer I say: please get an honest job! Become a pool shark, a race car driver, a car salesmen. Just stop hanging around with Lindsay. It’s not even funny how tired I am of these idiot wannabe celebrities being famous for their notoriety.

Lindsay and Paris Hilton are the worst of them all. So you blew a donkey Paris Hilton, so did Tom Green, so did Andy Dick… No one cares. Just go do something productive with your life. See how Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie want to be rehabilitate their lives? Try doing something similar!

Screech Sex Tape Explanation

Screech aka Dustin DiamondOn MSNBC’s Rita Cosby, Screech (aka Dustin Diamond) said the following about his sex tape and his “efforts” to prevent it from being made public:

We could spend a fortune fighting it in court, with little bits already being leaked out on the Internet or we could suck it up and say you know what, it could be a losing battle, we’ll make money if we just side with it.

Riiiight. Cause that’s what happened, Screech. I believe you SO much. What do you find more difficult to believe: (a) a former child actor — who used to be promised all the baubbles and rewards of celebrity-dom, but has now fallen on hard times and obscurity — sells his sextape to a pornographer in order to make some money and to at least make it into the celebrity Z-List or (b) the tape accidentally leaked to the media.

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The Hyde Club is where it’s at

Well at least for the next few months, until Angelina Jolie dumps Brad and starts going out again. That’s when everyone will flock to whichever outhouse she’ll be frequenting.

But for now, it looks like the place to frequent is the Hyde Club. See my earlier entry about Paris Hilton getting punched out there.

How do I know this? How do I know that this is the most popular place for celebrities this side of Bollywood? Well simply by the names and numbers of celebs being denied access there. Even for D-List celebs the likes of Chyna Doll, Tara Reid, and Brandon Davis, most night clubs would give an arm, a leg, and their firstborn child.

But no! Not the Hyde! They don’t just let anyone in! I will use the Hyde Club as my Sieve of Eratosthenes to find out exactly which celebrities have finally slipped off below the D-List and which are still floating in the quagmire above.

So for instance, the other night (when Tara Reid got kicked out) Lane Garrison of Prison Break fame got in. The cast of Lost got in. That is D-List.

Poor Tara Reid has slipped right off. Time to get another job Tara. What about Walmart, where their line of inexpensive but classy perfume will turn your current hobby, of dressing up and pretending to go out to clubs, a profession!

Screech is pathetic

That is Dustin Diamond. He is just lucky to have released his sextape in between the releases of much bigger stars. I’m sure that the next sextape, no matter who it is by, will over shadow the below-Z-list celebrity of Screech.

But the man is milking this sextape for all he’s got. I guess that you can’t really fault him. What else could he do to at least get his name back into the news? Nothing. So he sold his tape to some really sleazy guy named David Schmidt.

I don’t know who Schmidt is but you can surmise that he’s not unlike those fellas a couple of years ago that helped distribute Paris Hilton’s sextape when she wasn’t exactly burning up the gossip front pages. Schmidt is due to appear on the Howard Stern Show to give an accounting live, as the sextape plays, of various scenes.  Sleazy, to say the least.

It’ll be amusing to see this sextape do the same for Screech as it did for Paris Hilton. I can’t wait (or maybe I can) to see Screech in tight little outfits on the red carpet, letting out accidental vagina slips, putting out dance music singles, and his own line of Dirty Sanchez perfume for women.

Fascinating. Well not really, fascinating… What’s the world that I’m looking forward? … Um.. Oh yes! Sad. Very very sad.

Star Jones moves to Miami

And here I thought that Star Jones was too cheap to buy a bus ticket, but instead would have to work off her ticket in a national campaign for Greyhound.

What am I talking about? I dunno, I was just remembering how Star got kicked off the View by promoting on the air, any company that gave her freebies for her wedding.  I guess that now that she’s off the View, Star Jones actually has to pay for stuff herself.

So what is she doing in Miami anyways? Well insiders say that she and husband Al Reynolds are both looking for jobs 🙂 Well not real jobs, mind you.

Reynolds is supposedly writing a book (e.g. “How to Find (and Keep!) a Celebrity Sugar Daddy/Mommie”).

And Star Jones is looking for work in television — trying to get her own show. I suggest you go out to the casting call for the filming of Jackass 3, Star. Because there’s just no other call for a really annoying blabber-mouth torturing people with high-pitched-but-worthless opinions on the world & surprise-product-pitches, except perhaps as a dare for Steve-O to do to himself.