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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are playing us all like a finely tuned violin

You got what you wanted (this is directed at you minivan majority)! Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are finally engaged. They were living in sin for far too long. Can we hope now that their children’s souls will be saved from hell? How could they go on living such a poor example for their children, don’t they care about their salvation?!??! And do we really believe that Angelina Jolie is a changed woman? The saying is, once a home wrecker, always a home wrecker, right?

For ages, these two were touting the whole “we wont get married until everyone can marry” tune to the press. It seems the story has not changed. They are still following this mantra, though with a very public and well placed proposal and ring to support their next round of movie promotions. In short, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are now engaged because it “made sense”, but do not see a wedding in theĀ foreseeable future. This will only change once everybody in the US can legally marry. Oh they are dreamers, are they not. The US is going backwards in human and civil rights, do they really think they will ever get married in their lifetime with an attitude like that?

I predict that these two will not stand by their morals, and conveniently marry when it ‘makes sense’. Do you think it will be this upcoming Oscar season, or the next?

And look at that honker of a ring. What man could possibly think that design could ever be a good idea?

Drew Barrymore has a bun in the oven.

Who knew? Suddenly I have been seeing photos of her walking around looking pregnant. Interesting. I wonder if this means that she is ready to settle down and tame her wild child ways. Her she is walking with her husband to be Will Kopelman.

In any case, let me take this opportunity to hate on a few words that are often associated with pregnancy. I seriously cannot stand the usage of ‘preggers’ or ‘baby bump’. WTF, and who the fuck would want to refer to their unborn child in this way? It’s disgustingly white trash-like to me, and I just shudder at the common usage of these terms in most celebrity gossip websites, on facebook, etc. Gross.

Cruise and Holmes to be married in Italy

That’s the new rumour. The previous rumour was that they would be getting married in George Clooney’s home/palace. That rumour has been denied by Clooney’s publicist.

The new rumour is Italy. Rumours shmumours.

I’m going to start a rumour. They are getting married on the deck of the spaceship of Xenu the Intergalactic Space Tyrant. That seems to make more sense. It’ll be a proper religious (Scientologist) wedding.

Nicole Kidman calls Katie Holmes to give advice

Actress Nicole KidmanBwah!? According to a British tabloid (Grazia), Nicole Kidman called Katie Holmes to give her marriage advice when the reports of Holmes’ reluctance to marry Tom Cruise were out.

According to the tabloid, Nicole Kidman spent a long time on the phone with Holmes telling her what a great guy Cruise was, how supportive of a husband he is, how wonderful of a man he is, and what a terrible monster Xenu the Intergalactic Space Tyrant was.

Apparently, Scientologist Tom Crusie can do no wrong if even his ex-wife is calling his fiance and telling her great life is with him. My head is spinning! Maybe scientologists caught Kidman and brainwashed her or maybe they just used the space-age Xenu technology to fake her voice.

I don’t get it. Nicole, why did you divorce him and move to far away Australia if he’s so great? Tell me it wasn’t because of the tin foil hats he made you wear.

Anna Nicole Smith’s Douchebag

No this is not about an inanimate object used for douching.

This entry is about Howard K. Stern. Apparently some friends of Anna Nicole’s have spoken out on Stern and the Douchebag Award that I gave him earlier, seems to be well awarded.

Anna Nicole Smith’s former manager had this to say about Stern’s commitment ceremony to Anna Nicole in the Bahamas:

Howard is not the nicest person in the world. He seems very controlling. I think he’s in it for the settlement.

And the Compulsory Gay Associate (that every airheaded female celebrity needs to have) Bobby Trendy said the following:

I don’t know any woman who let that man’s private parts near her – even if they were unattached to his body!

Not very good reviews for Stern. But what do you expect? The man is a dogpoo-stain on the upholstery of life. Can there be anything nice to say about him while he, like a vampire, sucks Anna Nicole dry of the little bit of life she possibly had.

More Paris Hilton knock-out details

According to new information (following on the heels of my earlier entry), Shanna Moakler struck Paris with a closed fist until she was restrained by bystanders, while Paris was ushered out.

Both Moakler and Hilton filed police reports. What was Moakler’s police report? She alleges that Hilton’s boyfriend Stavros Niarchos poured a drink over her head and then pushed her down the stairs. The fight apparently started over the unconfirmed rumours of Hilton making out with Moakler husband Travis Barker (though Moakler seems to be separated from him or something).

Gossips also allege that Moakler left some kind of messages on Hilton’s machine.

Ooh cat fights šŸ™‚ They are so very hot.

Further proof of Tom Cruise’s insanity

Did you really need further proof? No? Well here it is:

There have been reports on certain blogs which have retrieved certain information from certain Tom Cruise insiders that Tom Cruise is really worried about Katie Holmes’ weight. There are phrases such as “very concerned” and “extremely worried” being used.

Nevermind that she just had a baby, right Tom? He’s apparently worried about her slimming down for their wedding.

I think that Katie can go 1 of 2 ways from here. Either she’ll realize what sort of insanity she’s dealing with and run for her life as far away as she can, or she’ll get completely converted to Tom Cruise’s mindset and will start sitting on the roof of their home with a tin foil hat and a tv antenna waiting for signals from the Beavians or Kraxploch the Intergalactic Croissant.