Archive | October 2006

Nicole Richie in private hospital

Very very thin Nicole RichieHer publicist(s) are saying that she is “working” with doctors and nutritionists on an undisclosed problem. Hm.

I picture a conveyor belt of donuts a-la Simpsons with Nicole being strapped into a chair, her nose plugged with one of those swimming nose plugs, while a machine is chewing the food for her and she is forced to swallow dozens of donuts at a time.

Man. I wish I had her problems. Unfortunately it’s all the other way for me. The last time I went for a walk is when firemen broke the side wall of my house down and I was lowered in a crane from the 5th floor in order to be drained of my fluids to give me a new lease on life.

Damn. Some people have all the luck. Like me and about a billion starving children that could only wish they were working with teams of doctors and nutritionists.

Matthew Perry abandoned by Friends

Matthew PerryRumours. There are rumours that Matthew Perry’s new tv drama Studio 60 (on NBC) is failing. Despite hype, despite crazy publicity, despite a giant push by NBC, the ratings are in a slump.

Matthew Perry is crazy over it all (or so the rumours say), and he is apparently trying to enroll the help of his Friends friends: David Schwimmer, Courteney Cox, Aniston, and Kudrow. He’s asking them for guest appearance

Lindsay Lohan sited with Fergie

First she was with Rumer Willis (daughter of Demi Moore and that annoying idiot) and now it’s Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. Lindsay Lohan is really trying to increase her menagerie of celebrity friends. But for what devious plot, I do not know.

James Woods decline from the B-List

James WoodsJames Woods has long been a staple of the B-List celebrities, but he hasn’t been around in a while and I guess that he was worried about the decline in the availability of high quality Celebrity Groupie vagina, so he has been shopping around the tv production studios.

And so it is: James Woods is to star in CBS’s new lawyer show “Shark”. I think that hooking up with anything CBS is going to be like the kiss of death for Woods. Wave Goodbye to the B-List Woods. Say hello to the D-List.

Julia Roberts looks like a stingray

George Clooney with Julia Roberts who looks like a stingrayWell maybe she doesn’t look like a stingray, but at least like a cross between a shark and a hyena.

I found this picture at the People mag’s website.

I mean. Look at that. Look at her face.

I don’t know. I’m scared.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to sleep again.

Aargh! Oofah!

More Wesley Snipes stuff

The US Attorney has given a press conference saying that the whereabouts of Wesley Snipes are more or less known. He is believed to be in Namibia filming a movie! Mhm!

You know what that means? He can’t be extradited! Namibia has no extradition treaty with the U.S. The man is a genius. First he cheats on his taxes, then he goes to shoot movies in Namibia! He’s a genius. A sheer genius. Except for one thing: why cheat on your taxes and save all that money, when there’s nothing to spend your money on! I mean, I’m sure Namibia is a wonderful place, except there’s absolutely nothing to do there. Wesley is going to be hard pressed on how to spend his embezzled millions after he has decked out all 24 of his donkey carts.

Nicole Kidman’s wife checks into rehab

Keith Urban and Nicole KidmanKeith Urban is back in rehab. I say back, because he was there once in 8 years ago for cocaine abuse. Is life with Nicole Kidman too much for him? Did he hit the crack pipe because of her? Hm. I would. I think that she’s one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood. I’d hit the pipe, cause I’m not sure if I’d be able to handle it.

But Nicole must be really re-evaluating her divorce from Tom Cruise now. Tom may wear tinfoil hats and talk to the tv in which Xenu the Intergalactic Space Tyrant resides, but at least he was never freebasing anything. It’s a sliding scale, you know? Drug addict versus Scientologist. Whom to marry… Hm….

Seriously, I wish all the best to Keith Urban. I’m sure with Kidman at his side he will be on the road to a real recovery.

Jessica Simpson speaks out on divorce with Nick Lachey

Jessica SimpsonJessica Simpson spoke to People magazine earlier this week about her breakup with Lachey. It turns out that the reason she got divorced it’s because she was TOO charitable and he wasn’t charitable enough.

Apparently, on a trip to Kenya (during which Nick stayed home) she realized that she needed to go it alone. I guess she didn’t find Nick Lachey charitable enough. And sure in that blonde bimbo’s mind she’s probably Mother Teresa, but you know what she went to Kenya for? She went there as part ofOperation Smile! An organization that provides reconstructive facial surgery! Plastic surgery! Can you imagine?

Plastic surgery! Now before you go off on me, I realize that there are probably disfigured and maimed children that might need work like that. So of course the charity is above board, but think about the mindset of Idiot Jessica Simpson when she picks THAT charity above any other to work for! Like how shallow do you have to be, to go and hand out gifts to children and put your time in with this organization when there are millions of starving children in Africa! And how about spending a buck or two to help them?

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Rumer Willis and Lindsay Lohan

Rumer Willis has increasingly (and disturbingly) come to be sighted together with Lindsay Lohan. Oh they go everywhere together it seems.

And as dear old Paris would say, “like… eew!” There is something disturbing about having another teeny-bopper / too-rich-for-her-own-good starlet prancing around Hollywood in revealing negligees and talking publically about her sex life.

In case you missed it, Rumer Willis is the daughter of Demi Moore and… You guessed it: Bruce Willis! She actually looks a little bit like a mix of the two. Actually she looks more like a manlier version of Demi Moore, which after you consider her unnatural hirsute-ness, is not a good thing at all!

Anyways, to Rumer I say: please get an honest job! Become a pool shark, a race car driver, a car salesmen. Just stop hanging around with Lindsay. It’s not even funny how tired I am of these idiot wannabe celebrities being famous for their notoriety.

Lindsay and Paris Hilton are the worst of them all. So you blew a donkey Paris Hilton, so did Tom Green, so did Andy Dick… No one cares. Just go do something productive with your life. See how Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie want to be rehabilitate their lives? Try doing something similar!

Isaiah Washington temper tantrums (might get fired)

Isaiah WashingtonIt’s funny, because once you’ve choked and threatened someone on the set of a famous TV show, you can’t seem to get a break. More stuff has been coming out lately about Isaiah Washington’s (apparently) notorious temper, since the incident on the set of Grey’s Anatomy.

There are reports that there was an incident during the shooting of a tv show for showtime (5 years ago), Dempsey grabbed the actress on whom he was supposed to plant a superficial kiss, and basically put his entire tongue in her mouth. When the actress protested, he harangued and attacked her verbally, and when the executive producer came to her aid, Washington totally flipped out on her too.

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