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Julia Roberts looks like a stingray

George Clooney with Julia Roberts who looks like a stingrayWell maybe she doesn’t look like a stingray, but at least like a cross between a shark and a hyena.

I found this picture at the People mag’s website.

I mean. Look at that. Look at her face.

I don’t know. I’m scared.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to sleep again.

Aargh! Oofah!

Julia Roberts smells…

Page Six reports of Rupert Everett words about Julia Roberts:

“Julia smelt vaguely of sweat which I thought was very sexy.”

This was perplexing to me, first because I didn’t know who this idiot was (apparently he starred with her on My Best Friend’s Wedding), and second because: what man thinks that a woman smelling like sweat is hot in any way?!?! And then I found out that this guy is openly gay. This immediately alleviated my distress (over Hollywood going completely insane), because only a gay guy could find that sexy.

In fact, gay men in Hollywood find all sorts of weird things about women sexy. From comments like “Oh she was wearing the most darlingest little scarf — it made her look really sexy!” to things like “Oh that dog of hers makes her look super hot, I would almost turn straight for her!” No dude! You’re gay! It’s not about the scarf, really it’s not!

Gay men are ruining the women of Hollywood, because from Jessica Simpson to Christina Aguilera to Britney Spears (with K-Fed) — all the celebs have to find themselves a gay guy. Like a publicist/advisor/best friend who happens to give them (according to them) the Man’s Opinion about the way they look and the impression their making. Well no girls! I’ll tell you what it is, it’s not the man’s opinion, it is the GAY OPINION. Men don’t think like them. We don’t care if you wear a scarf or a sari or a dress with sequins!! Well scratch that: we care — the less of it the better!

So stepping aside from my original rant, I have to say: Julia Roberts smelling like sweat? It’s not sexy! Don’t believe him Julia!! That was the Gay Opinion. If you want the Man’s Opinion, here it is: double up on the deodarant and start douching!