Archive | June 2007

Dina Lohan is out of hand

She’s in talks with E! to do a show where she is going to reveal how she pushed Lindsay Lohan into the unhappy life of drug-abusing stardom. She’s going to reveal this by repeating the trick on her two younger kids (barely teenagers).

That’s what the show is about!

This, and the Iraq War are totally making me think America is the new Babel.

Joe Francis criminalissimo extra grande

Joe Francis — aka the creator of “Girls Gone Wild” — is facing some pretty tough times.

He’s a wanted man in Nevada on tax evasion.

A wanted man in Florida.

A wanted man all over the place.

Here’s some of the stuff against him:

  • using minors in sexual performances (Florida)
  • conspiring to use minors for sexual performance and prostitution (Florida)
  • possession of a controlled substance and contraband (Florida)
  • $20 million worth of false deductions on tax returns (Federal)
  • also indicted of concealing his income (Federal)
  • contempt of court charges (Federal)

And that’s just the outline of his current legal woes. In conclusion? That’s what happens to a redneck that suddenly gets rich.

Paris Hilton Released

I saw it here first. But it’s also all over the news. She’s out. She’s out. Can you believe it? She’s out.

Freaking… Sonofa… I guess having a rich dad can buy you justice and all sorts of other things.

The official reasons cited = “medical reasons”.  She was waning on a lack of a daily dose of emetic and cell phone service. Screw this. I’m pissed! She can’t even be published properly. I mean she got all of the publicity and she paid for none of it! What the f*ck is going on here? What?! Tell me. I don’t know. I give up.

F*cking house arrest! 4!$!%!%!!

Victoria Beckham — a miracle

Victoria Beckham is really skinnyVictoria Beckham is a real piece of work. Look at this picture. How is she keeping upright? I’ll tell you how: with a mixture of prescription narcotics and a lot of starch in her clothes.

Or perhaps if they took that clothes hanger from out behind of her back, she would fall right down.

The point is: she is really really skinny. Like… How does a mother of 2 and a wife of a gillionaire keep her figure in that shape? Vomiting? Liposuction? We would’ve heard. It must be some new fangled celebrity diet. Lysol and grape seeds. No. Scratch the grape seeds. They probably have calories. How about Lysol… And… Bits of carpeting that have cat hair in them. No. Cat hair has calories.

I don’t know. But whatever she’s doing is working a little too well. She looks like a male teenager from Thailand.

And please don’t say “oh Celebfan, but she looks sexy in that picture!” NO! If you put high heels and a tight top with a push-up bra on a teenager from Thailand, you would see exactly the same thing.

(The picture is courtesy of perezhilton.com)

Paris Hilton and Jail

Paris Hilton was probably the first person to coin the phrase “no publicity is bad publicity”, cause she’s certainly living that philosophy to the fullest.

Here’s something to blow you away: she did it on purpose! Well maybe not drinking and driving… That we can attribute to her usual ditzy, blonde-y, heiress-y, retard-y self. But the subsequent violation of her terms and doing everything but climbing the fence into jail, was a result of a premeditated attempt to get more publicity!

This is the approximate conversation between the attention-whore and her publicist/nut-licker:

Read More…

Federline, Federline, Federline…

According to The Sun in the British Isles, K-Fed is trying to hawk a sextape of him and Britney Spears. The price tag somewhere in the neighbourhood of $50 mil.

Now you can tell that Britney is not not-inbred and not not-a-hick and not not-deserving-of-the-stupidest-person-award. I mean, ok… She’s the wounded party here and we should all feel sorry for her for the douche-baggy way that Kevin Federline is behaving… But come the hell on! You married a man who thinks Professional Wrestling is high art and Cheetos are high cuisine!

Ok fine. Maybe she thought him good looking and a great conversationalist like her cousins who are also her sisters, but… To make a sextape with him? Screw the sextape… To have children with him??! Listen. She deserves what she gets and that’s all I’m going to say about that.

I’m sure that Federline won’t get $50 mil for the tape. He’s waiting too long. But a cool $15 mil will be just enough to keep him in the lifestyle to which he’s become accustomed: drinking that fancy Coors Light and wearing pants.

Maggie Gyllenhaal disturbing

Maggie Gyllenhaal breast feedingHm. Well there are some pics on the net of Maggie Gyllenhaal breast feeding her kid in public. There are at least 3 things wrong with what she’s doing, can you tell what they are?