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More interesting things about Nick Lachey

The National Enquirer reports that, according to Vanessa Minnillo’s friends, Vanessa would not want to marry Nick. She’s interested in jocks. Had a real crush on Derek Jeter at one point and, according the same friends, does not find Lachey sporty enough.

Well if you want to check out my earlier entry about Nick Lachey’s gay picture, you will be able to see for yourself how jock-y he is.

Vanessa Minnillo is too hot to waste her time pining away for straight guys. Some straight man should pick her up: maybe Edward Norton or George W. Bush. Let Nick Lachey move in with Ryan Seacrest. Let the world’s metrosexual unite!

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Update: Paris Hilton’s DUI

Apparently, in full damage control, Paris Hiltonhas called into Ryan Seacrest’s Radio Show a few hours ago. Her version of events was that she was only driving a little fast (not weaving and bobbing erratically as the arresting officers seemed to witness) because she wanted to get a burger because she was starving.

Who are you kidding Paris? You lie like a cheap rug! Everyone around knows that you only eat ice cubes and European Tycoon heirs — don’t lie to our face and tell us that you eat anything with a calorie content higher than iceberg lettuce!!

That said, I’d like to underline that I DON’T think she was drunk as I stated in my earlier post. It’s just hard to be a bimbo nowadays. There are so many things to do while in the car: talk to your endless crowds of sycophants (witness: perezhilton.com), curl your hair, paint your toenails, etc. The court should throw the DUI charge out and just order her to get a personal driver.

As for Ryan Seacrest — that douchebag of douchebags — he didn’t even have the testicular fortitude to ask her any actual questions. He just sort of fawned, salivated, and fell over on his side in the ecstacy of having a celebrity come on his horrible show. This just proves the point that the US military isn’t a completely useless beauracratic institution — they did manage to breathe life into an androgenous mannequin, teach it a vocabulary of about 800 words, and let it loose on the world as Ryan Seacrest.