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Justin Bieber is the manly-woman in the relationship (i.e. the butch lesbian)

Here I offer you proof:

And spare me any “oh Levenstar, you are perpetuating stereotypes by suggesting that women can’t like sports. You are supporting the patriarchy derived notions of what it is to be a woman, blah, blah, blah “. This isn’t what this post is about. Obviously women can be into sports.

What I am proposing is that perhaps Selena Gomez is in fact a lesbian. This would explain everything about her and Justin’s relationship. Look at his hair, look at his face! Is he wearing makeup? And WTF is that tool wearing? Justin Bieber is the ‘manly’ female in the relationship! He’s mostly a woman trapped in a woman’s body, pretending to be male. It makes perfect sense!

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Eva Mendes dressed in orange (what the fuck is that colour anyways???)

Am I colour blind, or is this supposed to be red? Or is it orange? In any case, this tacky dress can not be saved despite the colour confusion. Did she dress in the dark? This isn’t even daring, as much as it’s a giant WTF. Why is she wearing this kindergarden made applique gown? My six year old nephew could do a better job. This dress is trying way too hard to be different, and I am noticing Eva Mendes for all the wrong reasons.

Jessica Alba is as boring as ever.

I’m not quite sure what this material is supposed to be, but it reminds me of tin foil used for cooking. The shape is boring, the hair while pretty is boring and predictable. I wonder if this girl will ever try something new or different. Isn’t this the MET gala ball after all? Isn’t this the night for daring, and creative fashion? I would respect Jessica’s choice to fuck up a daring outfit, then to play it safe and come wrapped in tin foil.

Why is Justin Bieber still around?

I am genuinely curious about this. What do the tweens see in him (and is it only the tweens)? He looks like a female lesbian, and has only matured into this with every year. I am convinced he is a woman pretending to be a man. Aside from his questionable douchy/bratty appearance with loose pants, the requisite diamond earring, and leather jacket, what does he have to offer? His music is not innovative, though I will admit he might be more talented than the average singer. But what is it??? What makes this brat so appealing and attractive? Do not say talent. All the other traits that I have listed make talent a moot point.

Here’s the brat, apparently 18 years old (really?) attending some kind of Las Vegas boxing match. Who cares, really.

Megan Fox and her frozen face (oh and pregnancy talk, blah blah blah)

Has anybody seen a video of Megan Fox’s face lately? WTF has she done to herself? I know this idea is not new, and she has been fucking up her face for a long time already. I guess because she has sort of been hiding out lately, in the background, that I had forgotten just how truly she messed up her beauty. Take a look.

Oh and she refuses to talk about her pregnancy. I wonder why? Is this a publicist derived scheme or something she herself is uncomfortable with? You can hear the publicist shutting down the question though, and her awkward laughter in response to the baby mention. I don’t know anything about the business side of Hollywood, but what would be the advantage of not talking about her pregnancy? I guess there is an obligation while publicizing a product, to not include any of your personal bullshit. However, why hire the celebrity in the first place? You are hiring what they represent, who they are, to elevate your product status. Anyways end of thoughts…

Here is an older pre-fucked up version of Megan Fox for you to compare to.

Accounting for her obvious youthfulness, baby fat cheeks, and lighter hair colour, you can’t deny that she fucked up. To each their own, I guess.

 

In honour of Mother’s Day

I will be posting some classic, crazy, and/or fucked up quotes as delivered by certain celebrity moms. Here is just a taste, a giant WTF if ever I have seen one.

Courtesy of January Jones, we are graced with this gem of a quote. January goes on to describe just how she survive her busy schedule of no sleep, all work, and no play since the birth of her son. She follows a regimen of healthy eating, vitamins, and tea. And of course, placenta capsulation. Yes. Since the birth of her son, she has ingested in capsule form, her very own placenta.

January elaborated for our amusement:

“Your placenta gets dehydrated and made into vitamins,” she explains. “It’s something I was very hesitant about, but we’re the only mammals who don’t ingest our own placentas.”

January insists that this all-natural WTFery is perfectly normal, and completely “…non witch-crafty or anything!” And indeed, she recommends it to all mothers out there.

And there you have it. If you are at a loss for what to get that special mother of yours, why not surprise her with placenta derived capsules. Surely, a great gift that any mother would cherish. You are after all putting her health above all, and doesn’t that say “I love you” more than a fancy new i-pod, or spa treatment gift certificate?

 

A Jonas brother gets a reality show, and young, sweet, sweet love

Oh swoon. Kevin Jonas and Danielle Jonas are getting their own E! reality show. Oh sweet excitement. Apparently it will cover all those things we have been dying to learn about their young, puppy love. We will find out just how the young bride handles her new fame, being married to a pop ‘star’ and all.

Of course, it wont make the Jonas brothers or Kevin Jonas relevant. I am so, so excited to see what these two have to offer to the world. What could these two possibly have to share? Their eyebrow waxing secrets? Bible lessons on how to stay ‘pure’ until your wedding night? I am positively excited. Just look at that bow tie and all the possibilities it holds.