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In honour of Mother’s Day

I will be posting some classic, crazy, and/or fucked up quotes as delivered by certain celebrity moms. Here is just a taste, a giant WTF if ever I have seen one.

Courtesy of January Jones, we are graced with this gem of a quote. January goes on to describe just how she survive her busy schedule of no sleep, all work, and no play since the birth of her son. She follows a regimen of healthy eating, vitamins, and tea. And of course, placenta capsulation. Yes. Since the birth of her son, she has ingested in capsule form, her very own placenta.

January elaborated for our amusement:

“Your placenta gets dehydrated and made into vitamins,” she explains. “It’s something I was very hesitant about, but we’re the only mammals who don’t ingest our own placentas.”

January insists that this all-natural WTFery is perfectly normal, and completely “…non witch-crafty or anything!” And indeed, she recommends it to all mothers out there.

And there you have it. If you are at a loss for what to get that special mother of yours, why not surprise her with placenta derived capsules. Surely, a great gift that any mother would cherish. You are after all putting her health above all, and doesn’t that say “I love you” more than a fancy new i-pod, or spa treatment gift certificate?

 

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It’s official!

Louis Bardo, Sandra Bullock’s son is the most adorable celebrity baby! I challenge you all to find me a cuter baby. Look at those cheeks! And this photo is a rare gem, showing his cute little smile. Yes I sound a little creepy in my description of the little man, but come on. Look at those cheeks…

Jessica Simpson finally releases her spawn on the world!

It’s official! There is a baby Jessica Simpson that has been unleashed into the world. Maxwell Drew is the name. Did you read that right? Jessica Simpson has named her baby GIRL Maxwell Drew Johnson.

She must really love coffee, or really wants her child to be teased in middle school. All I can think of is maxipad, as in feminine hygiene products. Really. I just. I don’t even know where to begin. Why didn’t she just name her child Sack of Potatoes, that would have at least been more creative. And who wouldn’t love to meet someone named Sack of Potatoes. This name isn’t trying to be something it isn’t, it just is.

 

 

Jessica Simpson’s never ending pregnancy

I swear she has been pregnant for years. I really feel sorry for her. She makes pregnancy look like a horrible, horrible experience. Why would any woman want to gain 50 pounds in the span of 9 months (or years for Jessica Simpson), walking around with back pain, swollen feet, and enlarged everything (yes that’s right). Only to end up with a ‘bundle of joy’ that succeeds in ripping your vagina to shreds, irrevocably stretching it to pieces. Your sex life will never be the same. That does not bode well for Joe Simpson, now does it?