Willie Nelson busted with over a pound of pot

Are you surprised? I’m not. How can you be? The man invented pot. The man practically oozes pot out of his pores. You can roll the guy up in a carpet and smoke him for days and days and get high! They also found magic mushrooms on him. What an old bastard. Who does magic mushrooms anymore?

But that’s not the point. The point is that he only got a tickeT! A freaking ticket! They called it a misdemeanor offence! Misdemeanor! Can you believe it?? For over a pound of weed!

Not that I’m saying that people should go to jail for weed possession… I believe the damn thing should be legal, but when you recall that Tommy Chong had gone to jail for selling bongs for an entire year — this kind of shit really begins to make you angry! Well it makes me angry anyways.

What kind of a hypocrisy is America? You tell me.

Lindsay Lohan broken wrist

Yep. Lindsay was rushed to hospital for a wrist broken in 2 places. And despite the much bally-hooed public fight that Lindsay and her mom (Dina Lohan) had on mom’s birthday at a restaurant, mom immediately rushed out to be with Lindsay in her time of pain. After all, you don’t throw bags of money out the window, just because those bags of money told you they hate you and told you to go to hell.

Anyways. I’m sure Lindsay will be alright, even though Harry Morton’s engagement ring will be looking rather shabby in the foreground of a large cast. Oh yes, apparently there are rumblings about that too. Strangely from mom.

Vanessa Minnillo isn’t as hot as she used to be

What happened in the 3 weeks since I last posted my blog entry about her being hot, you ask? Well she has come out with the following classic line in October’s issue of Maxim magazine:

I can’t wait to be pregnant. Everyone has to be nice to you.

Riiiiiiight, well I’m sure Nick Lachey really wants to know that. It’s good that she’s come out with it right now. First he dated that blonde bimbo Jessica Simpson, now he’s dating some kind of weird, schizophrenic girl that wants his seed. At least they were both to look at. I still think that he was the luckiest man on Earth.

Jessica Biel more lesbianism

So the evidence seems to be stacking up against Jessica Biel’s heterosexuality. Following up on my earlier entry, there actually seems to be a picture of Jessica Biel kissing a girl. And don’t give me any of that “oh women in Europe do it all the time”, because the chick has her arm around Jessica Biel’s neck and they are totally into it. So yeah. I think that the evidence is ample. Here is the picture:

Jamiroquai seems to be a real piece of crap

After reading the item on TMZ (item) about Jamiroquai’s angry attack on paparazzi outside of some event, I researched some more videos on YouTube and was not surprised to find that Jamiroquai (or Jay Kay as they call him) is a really piece of sh*t.

Now granted, no one likes a paparazzi. Probably.. Not that I had someone follow me, but he is just a stupid moron. He goes completely insane on them, and I guarantee you that the paparazzi weren’t even there for him. I mean he’s not even on a D-List. He’s on a Z-List. Anyways watch the video on the post above to see him assault paparazzi. The funniest thing is about how stupid he is and that he doesn’t even realize what gold he’s giving these photogrophers. The best is him getting arrested in the end. I love it 🙂

But check out the following video about him verbally abusing paparazzi:

This video makes me so angry. You might say: “well what? No one likes paparazzi!” But you know what, he can just get in the car and leave and b*gger off, but no he has to stand there and berate them like the attention seeking douchebag that he is. And if you listen more closely to what he’s saying he’s not really berating them for being a paparazzi, he’s actually making fun of them for not having a limousine to ride in! At some point he says something like “oh what are you driving? A cab!?” Nice Jay Kay. Very nice. He looks kind of high too. Looks it, I don’t really know if he actually IS high.

And look at this other video of him getting headbutted. Now THIS is priceless (like the AMEX commercial):

So to sum up, Jay Kay is a big big douche and I am very angry about him being even a Z-List celebrity and having enough money to hide behind body guards. The sooner we forget him the better. We are already 75% there, it just that he keeps reminding us of himself with those stupid antics.

Tommy Lee on Ellen DeGeneres show

Following up on a whole host of D-List celebrities (among them the abominable K-Fed), Ellen DeGeneres most recently had Tommy Lee on her show. Tommy admitted that he found about Pam Anderson wedding by text message.

Well that’s because you’re a loser Tommy. You always were, and now that you are losing your dashing looks everyone can see it that much clearer.

But in Tommy Lee’s defense, one must say that the wedding was a bit of a surprise to most people who knew Pamela. Even Howard Stern, who purports to be good friends with her (probably having had dipped his beak in that honey pot, though he denies that rumour completely), found out on the eve of the wedding to Kid Rock.

So to sum up: Tommy Lee is a loser. Ellen DeGeneres has a crappy show that only attracts D-Listers, and the only reason it is still around is because some coked-up TV exec believed in his own hype and his licking his bosses’ Warner Bros. butt to keep the show on life support. And Pam Anderson and Kid Rock are probably doing magic mushrooms or something — that wedding was a surprise to even them probably when they were coming down. And I’m pretty sure that Howard Stern had sex with Pamela Anderson.

But I digress.

Steve Irwin’s fans are stupid

Don’t get me wrong. I loved Steve Irwin. He was the greatest guy in the world. Really a healthy sort of guy who tried really hard to bring conservationism and a spirit of caring for the world’s animals into the dull little lives of the current TV-and-Internet generation (myself included).

But apparently all of his life’s work was wasted, because now (approximately a week after his death from a stingray attack) around a dozen stingrays have turned up dead on the beaches of Australia.

It is revenge you see. By fans of a man who tried to save stingrays; it is revenge AGAINST actual stingrays! Nevermind that Irwin himself was looking for trouble when he accosted the stingray that killed him. Nevermind that the stingrays are poisonous for precisely defensive reasons. Nevermind that they are just animals. Nevermind that the stingrays that have died were NOT the stingray that poisoned Irwin.

Nevermind all that. It is just a sad testament to Irwin’s life, that all he strove to do — educate people, teach them to love and respect animals — was wasted on a bunch of stupid, mouth-breathing, boob-tube-watching, idiots.

I hate humanity sometimes. Well, quite often actually.

Did Martha Stewart become a sexual dynamo in jail?

Naah. But it was very disturbing to watch her on the David Letterman show yesterday. She was cooking for Dave and at some point Dave, who was her retarded assistant cut his finger. At this juncture the most disturbing thing in the world happened — Martha came over to Dave, took his finger in her mouth and sucked up the blood.

Ok. ‘Nuff said? Hardly. But I really am speechless. Did she learn this sort of thing in jail? Is she part of a witches’ coven? Does she think that she can win more popularity from Dave’s cooties? I don’t know any of this. All I know is that I’m extremely creeped out.

50 cent busted for illegal lane change

This is sorta old news, but 50 was pulled over 2 days ago for making an illegal lane change on a Manhattan street. Later on cops found out that the car wasn’t registered in the state of New York, that he was driving uninsured, and that his license is expired. Of course, those are legitimate reasons to pull him over, but they didn’t know this BEFORE they pulled him over.

All that these cops in an unmarked vehicle saw was a black guy driving a Lamborghini and decided to pull him over. You know that this is what cops do if they find you suspicious they will wait and wait and finally hopefully catch you at the slightest, most insignificant infraction. Now usually, I love the police — I usually think that they do great work and are underpaid.

But not in this case. To those cops that pulled 50 over, I would say: what? You can’t see a black guy in a nice car? He must’ve done something wrong? Shame on you “officer”. I put it in quotes because that’s just disgusting. You can see from the photo below that the arresting cop is white (plainclothes).

Jessica Simpson’s super creepy dad

So I’m sure you heard the story of Jessica Simpson’s publisher Rob Shuter. He was fired after floating the story that she was dating John Mayer. Public denials came swiftly and furiously and his firing came like almost the very next day.

Now, we know that publicists (succubus maximus horriblus) are about as simpatico as a very hungry vampire or a very large Amazonian River Leech, however I can’t help but feel a little bit of pity for Rob Shuter having to come under the shadow of the massive ego of that total asshole

Joe Simpson. And let’s not kid ourselves, it is Joe Simpson who runs the lives of his family as if he was general George Patton or the Tyrant of Tyre. There have been many rumblings and rumours of Jessica and Ashlee being ruled completely by the man. Bookings. Appearances. Public statements. The man sticks his nose everywhere. It is rumoured that a big reason for the break-up between Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, was again Dear Old Dad. To him I say: Hey Douchebag, why don’t you cut it the hell out, have you ever heard of the Oedipal Complex but in reverse?

Apparently, formerly being a Baptist minister makes Joe Simpson an authority on everything. I heard that he is next slated to advise NASA on the new fleet of space shuttles coming in 2013 (or whenever). He has started his own management company Papa Joe Records so that he can manage his two daughters’ careers better (“oh goody” was the comment from both Ashlee and Jessica — well not relaly, but should’ve been). Can you imagine living with your own personal stalker in the house? Right in front of you he goes into your wardrobe and your laundry basket — inspects your used underwear, checks your phone calls, gives you a personal gynecological exam, etc. — and he’s your dad!! Well maybe I’m exaggerating a little bit on those last parts, but who really knows what goes on in that crazy house of theirs! If I was a jail, I would attempt to consume Joe Simpson as a profilactic measure!

Anyways, getting back to the case of Jessica Simpson’s publicist. What really happened? Well it started with the leaking of the news of Jessica Simpson’s romance with musician John Mayer. People magazine ran a cover story suggesting the love association between Simpson and Mayer and quoted Simpson as saying that she’s in love. However, a week from then came major denials from both Mayer and Simpson.

After this came the news of John Shuter’s firing by Jessica Simpson. And that seemed to that only it turned out that a few days later, Jessica Simpson issued the statement that she did not fire Rob Shuter adding that he “… is a great publicist and a great friend.” (source: TMZ.com) Huh?! If she didn’t fire him, then who did? Oh, I smell the presence of that Sphincturus Giganticus Joe Simpson.

But seriously: who could’ve asked for the firing of Simpson’s publicist. Not ditzy Jessica, who apparently adored Shuter with all her heart. And ask yourself this: why would Shuter leak and obviously false story (if in fact it was false)?

Well let me give you a theory: old squinty-eyed Joe Simpson wanted to show off his manager’s prowess by getting Jessica to date various singers who he thought where extremely hot right now (he was trying to raise the level of her career you see).

And so he tried to get her to date said Mayer. I’m sure that date or 2 was had, but lo and behold — Mayer wasn’t to be controlled like Simpson’s 2 daugthers and he may not have been so overawed at the prospect of dating the great intellect of Jessica Simpson any further and he backed off.

Joe Simpson (the creepest and dumbest manager of all time) then proceeded to do the creepest and dumbest move of all time by leaking a completely fallacious romatic entanglement between Simpson and Mayer. That didn’t work out, neither Jessica nor Mayer where very happy with the turn of events, and Creepy Joe Simpson back-pedalled in a very creepy way: by firing John Shuter.

Well that is a very elaborate and hypothetical story, but I happen to think that something like this probably DID happen. Of course I can’t prove it, or I’d be Jessica Simpson’s manager (and doing a hell of a better job too)! I would get her to wear outfits that didn’t make her look like an overgrown 13 year old, but instead really make her look like a sex bomb while she is still in the prime of her life and able to pull off the act. Oh yeah and the number one creepy thing that Creepy Joe Simpson has said about his daughter (according to wikipedia): “Jessica never tries to be sexy. She just is sexy. She’s got double Ds- you can’t cover those suckers up!”

I rest my case.