Update: Paris Hilton’s DUI

Apparently, in full damage control, Paris Hiltonhas called into Ryan Seacrest’s Radio Show a few hours ago. Her version of events was that she was only driving a little fast (not weaving and bobbing erratically as the arresting officers seemed to witness) because she wanted to get a burger because she was starving.

Who are you kidding Paris? You lie like a cheap rug! Everyone around knows that you only eat ice cubes and European Tycoon heirs — don’t lie to our face and tell us that you eat anything with a calorie content higher than iceberg lettuce!!

That said, I’d like to underline that I DON’T think she was drunk as I stated in my earlier post. It’s just hard to be a bimbo nowadays. There are so many things to do while in the car: talk to your endless crowds of sycophants (witness: perezhilton.com), curl your hair, paint your toenails, etc. The court should throw the DUI charge out and just order her to get a personal driver.

As for Ryan Seacrest — that douchebag of douchebags — he didn’t even have the testicular fortitude to ask her any actual questions. He just sort of fawned, salivated, and fell over on his side in the ecstacy of having a celebrity come on his horrible show. This just proves the point that the US military isn’t a completely useless beauracratic institution — they did manage to breathe life into an androgenous mannequin, teach it a vocabulary of about 800 words, and let it loose on the world as Ryan Seacrest.

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  1. Update: Paris Hilton’s DUI » Celebrity news - September 9, 2006
  2. BV Cures - April 5, 2012

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